Those silent prayers

     When was the last time you pray and end it with a prayer? Or when was the last time you really really truly recite your prayers? Be it a moment ago, now, yesterday, or I-don't-recall-when-was-the-last-prayer, people usually pray despite of our different religion, faith or belief. We do pray, in our own way on our own place and time. 

     Never estimate the power of doa. Tolak tepi pasal kepantasan sesuatu doa itu dimakbulkan sebab semua itu berbalik semula pada usaha kita untuk tidak putus-putus berdoa di samping usaha yang berterusan terhadap apa yang didoakan. Nikmat power of doa ini, paling beri impak sekali aku rasa time lost dari keluarga masa mengerjakan tawaf. Benar, Allah tau perfect timing bila Dia nak kabulkan walaupun kadang rasa jenuh menunggu tak kunjung tiba sampai ter-merungut tanpa sedar. Sedangkan doa Nabi yang maksum pun ada delay tapi mereka tak pernah putus berdoa and lost faith. Beratus tahun lamanya dakwah tapi ditentang, dibuang keluarga sendiri dan bermacam lagi. Kalau ditimbang melalui rasionaliti kita, pasti timbul rasa, kalau benar mereka maksum dan utusan Allah, kenapa diduga? Sebab thoughts macam ni lah most cari agama dengan cara dan pendekatan sendiri.

     The safest place is to be in someone's prayers. Speaking of prayers, how often we actually include other person or mention that person name in our prayer? Dulu ada lah sebut tapi malaslah,dah putus asa. Frankly speaking, I did that too. A few time. Bila rasa kecewa, penat lelah semua, mulalah mulut ni berat nak titip doa walaupun tangan ditadah. Nampak macam tak ke mana walaupun usaha dah bermacam cara. Usaha ke tak sama je keberhasilannya. You know that feeling when you know that a person actually include you in their prayer? Or the feeling when you actually include someone in your prayer? Rasa seolah ada guarantee dan hope walaupun benda tu tak terjadi lagi, macam warranty beli barang - barang terjaga walaupun tak rosak lagi. 

      Somehow, aku agak freak out or afraid with the expectation that I get through other person prayers. Its like wehh, benda takda apa lagi dah. Janganlah beriya sangat. It is a heartbreak to see those faces who always want it the best for you yet it didn't turned out that way but still keep praying for it. The fact that they have more faith in it more than you have that actually make me freak out. And the fact that there's nothing more to hope for make me afraid with all those silent prayers that eventually will disappoint them. May odds be in my favor. Also, may Allah bless you and me and grant our prayers. Amin.

P/S : To whom it may concern, I did what you asked me to do. Just that, you don't know about it.     

       

      

That side

     Pernah tak wonder what is it feels to see yourself from others point of view? Something as simple as their first impression on you, the thoughts they have about you, what they actually think of you as a person or anything that involve inside out of yourself. Would you be eager to know or afraid to unveil the truth? What if all the conundrum can be answered simply by viewing yourself through other people retina and cerebrum? Macam awesome je, macam awesome je rasanya. Oh ya, macam dan rasa, dua paksi berasaskan ketidakpastian.

     Well basically, as a person (of course), secara jujur, I actually enjoy seeing or listening people describing me. Not that ada 2 mata, satu hidung, ada mulut describe of things. Describe di sini macam describe things that you don't usually notice or know that you actually have in you. As an example, I've never notice myself changing language according to the other person use of language when interacting in social networking sampailah one day ada kawan ni tegur masa replying each other mention. Mulanya kerut dahi sesaat dua, scroll balik conversation, senyum sumbing sebab rasa impress ada orang perasan that kind of thing. Weirds tapi its like ada automatic switch that tune the brain and finger to respond according to language use, Melayu-Melayu, English-English dan sama waktu dengan loghat, slanga dan seangkatan dengannya. Not sure kalau ini norma kehidupan yang semua orang buat tapi for one to see you actually did this kind of things buat aku rasa macam awesome dengan capability minda sedar insan lain terhadap diri kita.

     Apart from the automatically-tune-to-other language-accordingly, aku selalu rasa separa kagum dengan spesis insan yang wise interpret diri kau by not taking a stand as you, like nasihatkan kau dengan memperingatkan pasal perasaan orang lain. Frankly speaking, I'm one of those yang jenis open up on everything tapi I'm not that type yang pandai express perasaan hatta marah mahupun sedih to another person baik kat family sendiri or sesiapa pun. Selalu terbit rasa terharu, syukur bila ada ingatkan kau tentang apa yang kau rasa tapi tak pernah luah. Yang selalu buat kau fikir impak tindakan kau yang akan produce outcome yang entah apa. Perempuan overthink, yes.

     Dek kerana kekaguman aku ini, maka rasanya bakal menyimpang jauh langkah patah perkataan ini akan pergi. Baik berhenti sebelum makin merapu =='